have Alba, I have forty-five, fifteen working as an architect in a group practice. I live alone, no, with a budgie on the top floor of an old building downtown.
I had a rich social life, meetings between frivolous and important meetings. Normally, up to two years ago.
I started with two bus tickets to go and return, reported the date of the day I met him.
inside a pastry shop, crammed with people, I loved it even before he could ask to sit at my table with a croissant and a cappuccino. We exchanged a few words. The
I glued my eyes on him, as the most shameless of courtesans, regardless of his years at least. Him with the smile of children playing, after less than an hour I was pushed into a doorway, taking expert, without any embarrassment.
I had played with care, as you would a porcelain doll, dismissed with a tender kiss on the tip of the nose and leaving a note in his hands: his phone number. As a teenager I was enchanted path flying the long way home, I never had happened.
I had thrown on the couch, curled up, decided to keep all the ecstasy, the unbelievable. Did not wish to bathe or eat.
I just wanted to keep. I was unable to separate myself from that clash sparks whose providential I had entered in the flesh.
so I spent an afternoon and night unable to move, to find a solution. Then the idea: I have sealed in clear plastic bags inside the clothes I wore, numbered. Panties and bra bring the number one and two.
have told me this: just a game, the collection. Of course I have not washed them and I never made.
The matter now has become cumbersome. Each time was a new lipstick, a perfume, a pair of socks, shoes and more ... Need to amaze me, to cover my rust, but his eyes went immediately over to cannibals, proceed regardless.
I hated the blatant indifference to my wasteful, but I could not do without his assaults. I was the booty, he is the bandit.
Dirt bandit.
repulsive for its hygiene Spartan served by thousands of outdoor work. When marked with black nail points that I tried the scent of talcum powder in my respectable lady, totally at the mercy of opposing forces. But the desire broke all reasoning.
I know, it was the fault of that look grainy, innocent, in which confused me sinking in a spiral of evil.
bought some things for him of course, to remind him that I appreciated that I wanted. Perhaps only to repay him for his being in excess. Licked.
was a constantly licked from the looks of women, though.
Despite, or in any window display I could never choose it.
hair I kept them after a few meetings in envelopes with stamps, long, golden, thick as fusilli. Appetite. I could not
separami from skin sauce that I penetrated to the throat. One day I found myself in the bathroom and, with a quick gesture language of lizard, I stuck my hand into the water - catching the condom he had used - I have heard that the game took me. I wrapped in a piece of toilet paper and I have hidden in her purse and placed it in the box. Then, I sensed the danger. Like a magpie I seized a piece of fingernail or hair remained between the sheets, but also set aside the bills sip with the layout of our telephone conversations. The relics
all there, well preserved, available to testify.
comforted me when he was away fishing, in a bar or in the arms of others. At first I did not care. I called, he would come. He spoke little but at least his hands were so able to explore simultaneously all my territories.
gives itself with the instinct of a predator, always with that smile, lively little boy with primitive gestures, concentrated sull'attimo.
No promises.
Over time, these fleeting encounters - between strangers and different - not enough for me anymore. I pretended to be content. But in that silence that I belonged celavo jealousy and resentment inside.
My goal was not to lose, clinging slowly in a transparent texture.
I began to weave a golden lasso in the first meetings rarely - trusting in the rising tension of waiting - then a first holiday for two. After a year of fleeting encounters: with every day! So triumph, victorious, won on that everyday.
We can defy time. Overbearing feelings emerge huddled with their claims, now you're mine! Confident of victory, check the impetuous Marzia seized - that by six feet - which asks, demands, demands ... I break the spell and while it discovers that they really are, a woman madly in love with that show on his behalf, is separated discreet. On tiptoe. He saw the move but are unable to recover, even forcing myself. He regained the silence but he, perhaps, that intuition in the affected animal walks away. Start chasing him, study strategies for riacchiapparlo, nothing. Then the pieces, the vomit on me all my anger in the crowd, slipping eroded under his eye of compassion.
I get home destroyed, as if I had a hyena heartbreaking. I take the relics and place them inside two bags per order. Seal everything with duct tape, three rolls of the wrapping.
Closed. Finished.
throw scissors, to remove the temptation to reopen, to begin again. Then go to the kitchen exhaust. I need to drink something, to recover.
knife.
I see him there, leaning on the edge of the basin, long, shiny: how could I forget. Pregnant with his hands, used to cut a watermelon - sucked together - where I keep the seeds. It's a sign.
I took it and went out. I walked like a robot to the pier. When I was close to me it was natural to stick in your belly. With all my affection. It was like punching the balloon to a spoiled child and spiteful.
finally free from the spell.
dismay and terror on her face showed me what he really was: a stupid man who afraid to die.
Now I'm here like you. Employee. Addicted. Consumed. Abstinent. In a therapeutic group of alcoholics, smokers, drug addicts, with the only peculiarity of myself enslaved to a substance but not a man. Sick of that substance or maybe just my obsession.
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